“How many supermodels can you fit in a toothpick canister? I don’t know, but I prefer floss.”

“How many birthdays can you fit in a shoebox? I guess that depends both on how old you are, and what size shoe you wear.”

“I don’t like boxing. I prefer bagging.”

“If I don’t clean off the bug corpses that are petrified on my bumper for looks, then what do I do it for? Safety. I feel safer not knowing how many things I’ve killed with my car, possibly including many missing children.”

“How many birthdays can you fit in your lifetime? If you answered "All of them," you should have your genitals ripped out from underneath your father's pillowcase.”

“I don’t worry about identity theft, because I don’t even know who I am as a person. So if I’m not even in possession of my own identity, how can it be stolen from me?”

“I only sing in the shower. I would join a choir, but I don’t think my bathtub can hold that many people.
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