“I admire from a distance. Too close and the flaws form a craterous landscape and the charm is lost. Who do you think I am, Neil Armstrong?”

“My eyes are so close together that when I cross my eyes, my irises actually trade places. My skin is so craterous that Neil Armstrong annually rubs my face just to reminisce about his time on the moon. And my nose is so long that my penis is jealous. But enough about how handsome I am.”

“Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon. I am the first man to piss his pants on the moon.”

“The sky is not the limit if Neil Armstrong made it to the moon.”

“The summer I turned sixteen I shot a man. It was 1969. Neil Armstrong walked on the moon. Hurricane Camille destroyed our farm. And I shot a man.”

“The land of literature is a fairy land to those who view it at a distance, but, like all other landscapes, the charm fades on a nearer approach, and the thorns and briars become visible.”