“I always get whiplash when I have sex in the backseat. Boy, I sure wish Grandmother would learn how to drive.”

“I always wear my seat belt when I drive a point home.”

“If an ambulance gets in a wreck, who drives them to the hospital? Why doesn’t the hospital drive to them? I volunteer to drive, and the volume of speeding tickets I have shows I'm qualified to get there in a rush.”

“When I’m competing to be on the bottom during sex, I always come out on top.”

“Women won’t sleep with me for the same reason that I don’t pay for sex—I don’t have any money. And if I did have money, I wouldn’t pay for sex, because women would sleep with me for free.”

“His voice was so gravelly I could drive a truck on it. And I would have, but I came carrying my bicycle.”

“My motto is: If I didn’t do it first, I want to do it better. Boy, I sure hope none of my clones will have the same motto.”