“I always wear gloves when I wash my hands. That’s also how I make love, and if you buy now I’ll throw in an extra bar of soap for FREE.”

“I always wear gloves, so at any moment I could commit a crime and not be worried about fingerprints. Plus, it saves on buying hand sanitizer.”

“I collect sounds. I store most of them in my ears, but some, like the sneeze, I store in my nose. If you wear a rain slicker and some rubber gloves, I’ll show you my collection sometime.”

“Dipping my sticky glove into the bowl, I grabbed a handful of fingers. That’s five, if you’re counting.”

“I eat bar soap raw, because if you try cooking it, it disappears. The soap turns into soup.”

“Making money for my clones, now that’s what I call self-enrichment. Having all my clones working for me, working for free, and enriching me, now that’s what I call social progress. Ah, but that’s life, no?”

“When I wear my confessional glove it’s super tempting to give myself a velvet handjob.”