“I am a master of logic and a powerfully convincing debater. In fact, against my better judgment, I can talk myself out of doing anything.”

“I’m a logician. No matter how wrong I am, I can always convince myself I am right.”

“I had to be at work at 8 am this morning, so I set my alarm clock for 7:49. Naturally, my body woke my brain up at 1:11 precisely, and I laid in bed trying to convince myself two things: one, that I function better on little sleep, and two, that I am a genetically modified human that requires 1/8th the required sleep of organically grown men.”

“My clones better not wear invisible cloaks. How am I supposed to find myself as a person if I can’t even find my clones?”

“I make conversation like I make love to myself—I let my hands do all the talking.”

“I just realized my lips are inside out. They should be turned inwards, because I spend most of my time talking to myself.”

“If I had a clone, he’d better be my equal, and not my better. Can you imagine how I’d feel being jealous of myself?”