“I am cursed. Everybody around me dies. It just might take a hundred years for them to do so.”

“I’m willing to die for the woman I love. I just want to take 75 years to do it.”

“I’m so smart that I make everyone around me smarter. I do this by being dumber than everybody.
”

“Her message was short: “Any kids?” So I wrote, “Sure. But it might take me a few tries to get you pregnant.”

“We agreed to meet at 4. I meant AM and she meant PM, so we both just stood around thinking we’d been stood up.”

“Love reminds me of when I was six and had a pet goldfish named “Silverbird” that I carried around the house, petting it like a cat. Needless to say it died. So I ate it.”

“I am waiting on a trap door, but things might fall through for me.”