“I am going to think of you every time I don't have sex. So that'll mean I'll always be thinking of you.”

“Just because I liked something at one point in time doesn’t mean I’ll always like it, or that I have to go on liking it at all points in time as an unthinking act of loyalty to who I am as a person, based solely on who I was as a person. To be loyal to myself is to allow myself to grow and change, and challenge who I am and what I think. The only thing I am for sure is unsure, and this means I’m growing, and not stagnant or shrinking.”

“I am possibly the world's greatest magician, because I don't just vanish off stage, I vanish from your memory. I'll bet you're probably thinking, "I don't remember seeing you," or "I've never seen you." And that just goes to show you how good I am.”

“I don't know where to look for jobs, so I think I'll check out the unemployment office. They maybe hiring.”

“Some men want to go out with a bang. Personally, I'd rather not die from sex. I mean, what will my wife think when the police tell her?”

“If I promise you I'll show up fifteen minutes late, I'll always arrive on time.”

“I have nothing, so I think having something would mean everything to me. But I don’t want to get to the point where I have everything, so having something would mean nothing to me.”