“I am innocent! But only because the opportunity to partake in an activity that would render me guilty has not presented itself.”

“A clone would make a great birthday gift, because it’s the only gift that keeps on giving. At least it’d better give me a birthday present every year. It owes its life to me.”

“Love is the color of red inverted. At least that’s what Gunnar Greenlove told me, and I believe him because he’s from an island where half the people tell only the truth and half tell only lies. Not only that, but the island has a population of two, and I am the other inhabitant.”

“The event happened on my birthday. I don’t remember the date, I only know it was my birthday because there was no cake or presents.”

“If I were a mannequin, I'd know people would only want me for my body. But that's OK, because that's how it is now.”

“I carry a door with me wherever I go, because one, it’s symbolic for the opportunities that’ll open up for me, and two, I want to be the best door-to-door salesman who sells doors, so I carry a sample with me everywhere.”

“If somebody offered me Cyanide, my only question would be, Is it organic? Because organic is always the healthier option.”