“I am quite possibly the world's bravest coward. I have never backed down from backing down from a fight.”

“What I lack in courage I more than make up for in underwear. I am possibly the bravest coward to ever go commando.”

“When someone insults me, I simply shut down. Then I open back up at 9 am the next morning.”

“I am possibly the world's greatest magician, because I don't just vanish off stage, I vanish from your memory. I'll bet you're probably thinking, "I don't remember seeing you," or "I've never seen you." And that just goes to show you how good I am.”

“Of all the pessimistic people, I am the most optimistic. I look forward to looking down on all the people looking up to me for answers from below.”

“Should I go up one flight of stairs and then come back down, or should I go down one flight of stairs and then come back up? Same destination, same distance, same amount of work, but two different paths. Who knows, I might find love on one path. Probably the path I don’t choose. 
”

“I listen to AM radio in the AM, and AM radio for an AM audience in my PM (though it comes from the other side of the world). It’s all morning all the time for me. Sometimes I even listen to FM in the AM, but never FM and AM in the AM or PM.”