“I am the alligator of love. But I’d make better boots than a lover.”

“I’m stoic like a statue of Stonewall Jackson. I’d make a great U.S. President, but I’d make an even better chiseled piece of marble—and that’s what makes me such an amazing lover.”

“I’d race my motorcycle across the ocean just to avoid swimming in the desert. Ladies, I hope this indicates what kind of lover I’d make.”

“Robots don’t make better lovers, but Roberts do.”

“As much as I want to make love to you, I’d rather make love to your clone.”

“I’d rather be the fastest runner than the best fighter. But then I am a supreme coward.”

“You like vodka, and I like carpet cleaner. You should try it. It’ll put hair on your chest—really clean hair. Grandpa said it would make me a better lover, but I made me a better lover—and I made it out of clay.”