“I am the archaeologist of love. I’m digging for the bones of a loved one I shot and buried decades ago.”

“A brick could be hidden in the dirt, for future archaeologists to dig up and declare, “Wow! This was one advanced society.”
”

“I’m a miner, and I’m always dirty, because I’m constantly digging. Am I shoveling for gold? Hardly. I’m unearthing this hearty land searching for the next great American novel. If I dig deep enough, I’m sure to find it.”

“I am the orangutan of love. OK, who am I kidding? I’m merely the love monkey.”

“I’m the Director of Redundancy. I’m also the Director. I make love like I make love, and that is why I am the Director of Redundancy.”

“Would women find vampires even sexier and more romantic if instead of fangs they had rose thorns? It’s thoughts like these I think of when digging in my garden, looking for my one true love (If only I could remember where I buried her!).
”

“I love running. I’m not into marathons, but I am into avoiding problems at an accelerated rate.”