“I am the bathtub of desire, but damnit woman, I saw you eyeing that swimming pool.”

“I used to spend a lot of time in lap pools. Growing up I was on a few swim teams. In Florida all there is to do is surf, swim, golf, and try to pick up single women at the retirement home.”

“I swam in the neighborhood peel. I mean pool. I guess I threw that pee in there because the swimming experience left a bad taste in my mouth.”

“My time at the pool went swimmingly. Better than a nude beach, because I was the only one who was naked.”

“I could jump in a small swimming pool or dive in the big ocean, and I’d be equally as wet. So it is with love. Somebody get me a towel.”

“I make love like I sing—in a choir, alone in the bathtub.”

“I am the dinosaur of love. Specifically, I am a pterodactyl, and you are my silent “p.” Stay quiet woman!”