“I am the earthquake of love. How you feel is my fault.”

“My skyscraper of a heart met an earthquake of a woman. Why can’t I meet a simple window washer? My love is a hundred stories tall—and I wrote every single one of those stories.”

“I am the Wakeboard of Love, if you catch my drift.”

“I am the dinosaur of love. Specifically, I am a pterodactyl, and you are my silent “p.” Stay quiet woman!”

“As a balloon expands, so too does my love for you with each passing day. To know how I truly feel about you, look no further than the balloon giraffe.”

“Out of all the guys she could love, I am two of them. But she chose my clone over me and that hurts. And it feels good.”

“I am an orange construction cone, and I say to you, “Caution.” This is my advice for love—and for driving while blindfolded, which is safer than love.”