“I am the kangaroo of love. Do you question it? You can take your skepticism and stuff it straight down my pouch.”

“If you were running away from me, down a straight hallway with an oiled hardwood floor, and I had a machine gun and a pointy mustache, I still couldn’t hit you with a bowling ball. But what are you doing? You should be running toward love, not away from it.”

“I can’t do my job, if you don’t do yours. I also can’t do my job, so can you do mine too?”

“I am the Wakeboard of Love, if you catch my drift.”

“Ma’am, I can take either you or your purse, but I can’t take both. And honestly, I’d rather take your purse.”

“Question for your life: If love existed an octave above where your vocal range ended, would you buy a dog whistle to get my attention?”

“All I have to say about love can be summed up in nine words: Never wipe your ass before you take a shit.”