“I am the love machine of desire. I’m easy to operate. Just pull on my lever.”

“I am the time machine of love. Quick, pull my big lever!”

“Love is to beer as I am to drunk. And you say I’m not romantic. Shoot, I’m so romantic I could just puke.”

“So I am to be Robert’s replacement. On the one hand, there is no pressure, because it’s not like I am replacing the cool guy that left that everybody loved. But at the same time, the pressure is huge, because if I screw up, my coworkers will all say, “Jarod’s a terrible employee. He’s so bad that even the lifeless robot was better and more hospitable than him.” It’s man vs. machine, and I am the underdog. I need to go buy a “How to be Better than a Dummy for Dummies” book before tomorrow so I’m not the most recent victim in a long line of human defeats at the hands of machine.”

“I am the orangutan of love. OK, who am I kidding? I’m merely the love monkey.”

“I’m not exactly sympathetic, but I do have a big heart. I have to, to be able to pump all the blood required to operate my massive penis.”

“I’m the Director of Redundancy. I’m also the Director. I make love like I make love, and that is why I am the Director of Redundancy.”