“I am the orangutan of love. OK, who am I kidding? I’m merely the love monkey.”

“I’m the Director of Redundancy. I’m also the Director. I make love like I make love, and that is why I am the Director of Redundancy.”

“I am the archaeologist of love. I’m digging for the bones of a loved one I shot and buried decades ago.”

“I love running. I’m not into marathons, but I am into avoiding problems at an accelerated rate.”

“I am a juxtaposition. And at the same time, I’m not. I’m always like this because I’m not always like this because I’m always in love.”

“Love is to beer as I am to drunk. And you say I’m not romantic. Shoot, I’m so romantic I could just puke.”

“I am my own clone. I’m not who I was yesterday, but then again I am.”