“I am the washing machine of love. And if you have no idea what I mean, maybe it’s time to let some laundry into your life.”

“You may have to dish out more love than me, but I have more love to dish out. Also, it’s your turn to wash dishes.”

“I am the time machine of love. Quick, pull my big lever!”

“It’s true, I can’t make you love me. But I can refuse to let you out of your cage.”

“I invented an invisible machine to help you get to sleep. It only works after your eyes stay shut for a length of time. It’s also so quiet that you won’t hear it.”

“So I am to be Robert’s replacement. On the one hand, there is no pressure, because it’s not like I am replacing the cool guy that left that everybody loved. But at the same time, the pressure is huge, because if I screw up, my coworkers will all say, “Jarod’s a terrible employee. He’s so bad that even the lifeless robot was better and more hospitable than him.” It’s man vs. machine, and I am the underdog. I need to go buy a “How to be Better than a Dummy for Dummies” book before tomorrow so I’m not the most recent victim in a long line of human defeats at the hands of machine.”

“I am the chef of love. Let me utilize your oven.”