“I ate a Danish. Better than eating someone from Finland.”

“I ate a rainbow in a bowl, because it’s better than eating rain soup. Food and water aren’t supposed to be one and the same.
”

“When tragedy befalls me and someone says, "Better you than me," I always reply, "Yes, I am better than you.”

“I had nothing to eat for desert, so I ate a tube of toothpaste. The coolest part was not having to brush my teeth before bed.”

“I’ve gone astray. It’s better to cook with a stray than eat your own cat.”

“Good things come to those who ate. I’m going to wait to eat. I just got done swallowing my pride, and I’ll be full for the foreseeable future.”

“I could save money if I ate my coworker’s pussy for lunch, rather than going to a restaurant.”