“I ate a half a cookie, but not because I wanted to. I ate it out of necessity.”

“I once tried out for the Girl Scouts. I only went to one meeting. I ate all their cookies and then left.”

“I ate Satan, and then shit out a snake.”

“I ate a pound cake today, but I gained two.”

“It’s what’s inside that matters. I’m confused inside, because I just ate some sweet and sour.”

“I want to scrape earwax out of your ears like the last of the chunky peanut butter in a jar. I’d love it if you ate one of my world famous Listening Sandwiches.”

“I ate a slice of humble pie, and it tasted like apples.”