“I ate a slice of humble pie, and it tasted like apples.”

“If a clock represented a pie chart, then I just ate a slice of apple pie so large it represents 33 minutes. That means I’m three minutes late for dinner!”

“I want a piece of apple pie so large I could wedge a For Sale sign in it and make all the real estate agents in town jealous.”

“Two days ago, Tuesday at 10:10 am, I gave birth to a bagel. And God commanded me to slice up my only begotten bagel in two, and who am I to argue with God? So I did it. Then I ate it. I’m not proud of the last part, but at the time it seemed like the right thing to do.”

“I ate a half a cookie, but not because I wanted to. I ate it out of necessity.”

“I’m single, like a cheese slice individually wrapped in plastic.”

“We made love like a slice of French toast trying to act like an English muffin.”