“I ate Satan, and then shit out a snake.”

“I ate a half a cookie, but not because I wanted to. I ate it out of necessity.”

“I once tried out for the Girl Scouts. I only went to one meeting. I ate all their cookies and then left.”

“I eat fog for breakfast, and I shit out steamy love scenes from the 80s.”

“I’m so constipated that every time I go to shit, the only thing that comes out is political rhetoric.”

“I used to think that Satan and all the fallen angels were the most evil beings in the universe. Now I think it’s absurd and naïve to think that. Oh, Satan exists, but he’s a puppy dog compared to politicians and lobbyists.”

“I ate a pound cake today, but I gained two.”