“I blew the love trumpet until my cheeks were blue. Then I paid 34 bucks for a taxicab ride home so I could admire my receding hairline in the mirror.”

“I snorted powdered flamingoes while I pondered love. I sat at the bar two hours waiting for my ice on the rocks to melt so I could drink it and leave, but it was like my ex wife’s heart—it was just too frigid to melt. So I called up a midget, buckled myself in on his back, and had him give me a ride home. Ah, but that’s life, no?”

“I ran a few miles, Davis, and they were musical. Then I made love like the sound of a trumpet, as heard by Helen Keller.”

“I clench your love in my butt cheeks, along with all my hard-earned cash.”

“What I want more than a car that goes from Point A to Point B, is a car that stops. I make it a point to break for love. My horn is broke—and so am I, but I get paid Friday.”

“When I hear your name, I involuntarily clench my butt cheeks. Is that love? I don’t know—I’m not Nicholas Sparks.
”

“My love is as blue as the sky, and if I had to attach a time to it I’d say midnight.”