“I bought a zoo, which is funny, because I own the very place that should own me.”

“I bought two items to get a third free, and then I returned the two. I should be Shopper of the Year”

“I own nothing, but at least nothing owns me. Well, besides the bank.”

“Of all the things I own, I’m most sentimental about my shoes, because they’ve traveled with me every step of my journey.”

“As an animal lover, I don’t like zoos. I feel the only creatures that should be caged behind bars are politicians, lobbyists, and lawyers. And rapists, but I’ve already listed that three times.”

“A clone’s most valuable function would be as a gift giver, because who else but you knows exactly what you want? Only your clone. And besides being the perfect gift, it’d also be a surprise, because it’s not like you bought your own gift.”

“I don’t worry about identity theft, because I don’t even know who I am as a person. So if I’m not even in possession of my own identity, how can it be stolen from me?”