“I can be a better friend, lover, and humanitarian, but I can’t be a better eggroll. Sadly, I’m as good of an eggroll as I’ll ever be.”

“I’m not good at talking. Can’t I just nod my way through a conversation? It’s better than nodding off.”

“Right now is the youngest I’ll ever be, so I suppose I’d better act immature while I still can.”

“I’m feeling a little under the weather. But once I open my umbrella, I’m sure I’ll begin to feel better.”

“We can’t be lovers because we both have mustaches. But since you’re a lady, and I’m a gentleman, I’ll shave mine off.”

“A can of canola is better than a can of can’t.”

“I’m 30% in love, and if I ever rise to 70%, then I’ll be 100% in love. But I’ll still be mathematically challenged.”