“I can bench press steam, but not fog. I just have to wait until the fog lifts itself.
”

“How can I clearly see what’s wrong with someone else, and then look at myself as though I’m standing in front of a fogged mirror?
”

“I have a beard of fog that I wear on misty mornings. It’s not cigarette smoke, but I’d understand if you wanted to shave it off and inhale it.”

“I eat fog for breakfast, and I shit out steamy love scenes from the 80s.”

“I’d rather fake my own fog, than fake a steamy love scene. Can I interest you in some mist? It’s homemade.”

“I eat fog soup (out of a can). You don’t think I make it fresh, do you? You don’t need a spoon or straw to enjoy it—you need a pipe to inhale it.”

“My birthday is on a holiday. I just have to wait until I die and they commemorate me.”