“I can play the trumpet, but only if I have a sufficient quantity of anal lube.”

“An elephant walks into a bar, and the bartender asks, “What can I get for you?” The elephant replies, “Sex on the beach, please.” To which the bartender responds, “Sorry, but I’m afraid your penis is too big for me.” “That’s no problem,” the elephant says as he smiles, “how about a double shot of Don’t worry, I brought a few gallons of anal lube.”

“I play the only instrument that takes in music rather than propelling it out: the ear trumpet. Don’t bother snickering at me—I am deaf to your mockery.
”

“I’d rather play with small quantities of large people than large quantities of small people.”

“If you say renewable, I’ll think energy. If you say fore, I’ll think play. If you say binary, I’ll think anal defibrillator.”

“Before you enter politics, I pray you lose your anal virginity to a unicorn.”

“With anal sex, I suggest you start gently. Find a slender midget. Or a member of Congress.”