“I can play the trumpet, but only if I have a sufficient quantity of anal lube.”

“Toys like handcuffs, paddles, and nipple clamps?” Andrew arched a brow. “Or flavored lube, anal plugs, and edible panties?”

“An elephant walks into a bar, and the bartender asks, “What can I get for you?” The elephant replies, “Sex on the beach, please.” To which the bartender responds, “Sorry, but I’m afraid your penis is too big for me.” “That’s no problem,” the elephant says as he smiles, “how about a double shot of Don’t worry, I brought a few gallons of anal lube.”

“I play the only instrument that takes in music rather than propelling it out: the ear trumpet. Don’t bother snickering at me—I am deaf to your mockery.
”

“Alcohol, taken in sufficient quantities, may produce all the effects of drunkenness.”

“Whisky, I find, helps clarity of thought. And reduces pain. It has the additional virtue of making you drunk or, if taken in sufficient quantity, very drunk.”