“I can take care of myself, but I can’t take care of myself and a child. I’ve decided to give myself up for adoption.
”

“There is one woman I’ve dated I just can’t seem to forget, no matter how much I drink or how many concussions I give myself.”

“I try not to sell myself short, unless I’m giving myself a great price on the stuff.”

“If I give you an historical reference, am I dating myself? No, because the only way I could date myself is if I had a clone—and he was gay.”

“I did not approve of your action—I was merely congratulating myself. What you mistook for clapping was merely me giving myself multiple high fives.”

“I haven’t been feeling like myself lately. No, I’ve been feeling like my clone.”

“I’ve demanded of myself to be more demanding of others.”