“I can taste one sugar crystal, just like I can feel one Cupid (the metric unit of measurement for love).”

“I just wrote the book of love. Well, I coauthored it with Cupid and Nicholas Sparks.”

“Drink my Distraction Juice (not from concentrate).
 It tastes like love, only not so focused on just one ingredient.”

“I like to feel like just one of the guys. Especially when I hang out with the girls.”

“I need love. Here’s a list of other things I need: eggs, butter, flour, and sugar. I’m making a cake for the woman I love—and another one for my lover.”

“I can guess which car my boss drives. I’ll just look for the one with the hole in the back, like an asshole.”

“My love is like a crumbly cookie. It’s very hard to give all of it to just one person. Try as I might to give it all to just one woman, crumbs break off here and there in meaningless crushes and kisses and—but what am I saying? Baby, you know you’re the only one I’ve given my cookie to. Can I get you a tall glass of milk?”