“I can tell if two people are in love by how they hold each other’s hands, and how thick their sanitation gloves are.”

“I’m such a germaphobe that I think sanitation gloves should be thicker than boxing gloves.”

“I always wear gloves, so at any moment I could commit a crime and not be worried about fingerprints. Plus, it saves on buying hand sanitizer.”

“I always wear gloves when I wash my hands. That’s also how I make love, and if you buy now I’ll throw in an extra bar of soap for FREE.”

“The police called it choking, but I called it a two-handed neck hug. That’s how I knew she really loved me.”

“I think the key indicator for wealth is not good grades, work ethic, or IQ. I believe it's relationships. Ask yourself two questions: How many people do I know, and how much ransom money could I get for each one?”

“My hand inside a glove is like a painting in a frame, and should be insured as such. The things my hand makes have immense value, so how much more valuable is the thing that makes the things?”