“I can tell time, but I can’t tell time to stop or fuck off.”

“By the time I tell you to start doing something, it’s time for you to stop listening and start doing. Especially if what I tell you to do is start listening.”

“Just by looking at a picture, I can tell a lot about a person. Right off the bat, I can tell if they’re a human or a bat. Or Batman.”

“A brick could be used to tell time. And just between you and me, I hope that brick tells time to go to hell.
”

“I can’t afford to waste either my money or my time—but that doesn’t stop me from trying.”

“I tell people she’s a pile of apples, and that I can’t wait to get in cider.”

“Don’t tell me your name. If you don’t tell me your name, I can’t hurt your feelings by forgetting it.”