“I can’t believe you think that I can’t believe you don’t think that.”

“If my name were Mememem, and I had just ran into someone who should have known my name but couldn’t recall it, I’d probably say, “I can’t believe you don’t remememember my name.”

“When people say they don’t read, I always wonder if they don’t because they can’t or because they won’t. Then I think, what’s the difference? Either way they are ignorant.”

“I can’t do my job, if you don’t do yours. I also can’t do my job, so can you do mine too?”

“Whether you’re a Democrat or a Republican, I think everybody can agree that politicians are crooks. But I don’t think politicians are thieves, because you can’t steal what you’ve been given. Once we stop giving in, they’ll stop taking.
”

“You can’t believe every word you read while watching TV. (Even with closed captioning turned off).”

“If you could smell my smile, you’d nose how bad I want to kiss you. But you can’t, and I don’t.”