“I can’t even hear the phrase ‘Four score and seven years ago’ without thinking of what?” my mom asked.
“A top hat and a beard,” I replied.”

“I asked her out on a date, and she said, “Sorry, I can’t see you.” “That’s no problem,” I replied, “I won’t wear my invisible cloak.”

“My penis is seven. Not years old or even inches. No, my genitalia is the prime number seven. Isn’t that odd?”

“A brick could be used as a bowling ball. With how bad I bowl, a rectangle ball couldn’t possibly hurt my score, because in bowling you can’t get a lower score than zero”

“I want to hire someone to stand outside my door and knock three times, with each knock being three years apart. At the end of the nine years I’ll reply, “Who is it?” And without delay or reply, the person on the other side of the door is to find a new job.”

“The only time I really think is when I smoke, and I quit smoking years ago.”

“You want to tell me what this is? she asked as she gabbed my erection. “A miracle of science,” I replied.”