“I can’t overstate how valuable being understated is.”

“Which is more valuable into showing how I think: the order I think of things, or the order in which I arrange them once I’ve thought of them?”

“I keep my valuable things locked up. Everybody does. Therefore, criminals must be valuable.”

“No matter how hard I try, I can’t grow facial hair on my chest.”

“There is one woman I’ve dated I just can’t seem to forget, no matter how much I drink or how many concussions I give myself.”

“I made love to a woman who didn’t exist, and I can’t remember how it didn’t feel. It amazes me how often I think about not thinking about it.”

“At the gun range I can’t hit the paper bull’s eye, no matter how carefully I aim at my wife.”