“I clench your love in my butt cheeks, along with all my hard-earned cash.”

“When I hear your name, I involuntarily clench my butt cheeks. Is that love? I don’t know—I’m not Nicholas Sparks.
”

“My clones will look like me, and therefore I’ll treat them like myself—starting with spending all their hard-earned money. You can’t love someone else if you can’t first love yourself.”

“I say yes, turn the other cheek, and let me slap your butt again. Forgiveness can be oh so naughty.”

“Love isn’t a series of slogans like “Just do it,” “It’s the real thing,” or “Go ahead, stick it in my butt.” Love is much more than that. Love is also a logo. I know, because I have it tattooed on my ass.”

“My neck size is about the size of both of my girlfriend’s clenched hands.”

“I blew the love trumpet until my cheeks were blue. Then I paid 34 bucks for a taxicab ride home so I could admire my receding hairline in the mirror.”