“I collect human skin. I keep it all on the bumper of my car.”

“I named my car Itch, not because it’s all scratched up, though it is, but because it got under my skin without tickling my fancy.”

“If I don’t clean off the bug corpses that are petrified on my bumper for looks, then what do I do it for? Safety. I feel safer not knowing how many things I’ve killed with my car, possibly including many missing children.”

“I collect the most valuable thing in the world—free time. But unlike other priceless things, I don’t need a safe to keep it safe, because I keep all my free time in the past, where nobody can touch it—not even me. My collection grows larger every day.”

“I used to be a bumper sticker kind of writer. Now I’m more developed, and my writing often takes up whole bumpers. 
”

“I collect hair. I keep most of it on my floor, but my most valuable patches I display on the bodies of a few cats I have roaming my house like walking art displays that meow.”

“The engine of my car is so powerful I could wash dishes under the hood. But that’d be pretty absurd, since I keep the dishwasher in the trunk.”