“I collect orgasms. Unfortunately, lately I’ve been selling more than I’ve been buying.”

“The earliest I’ve ever been late is on time.”

“I haven’t been feeling like myself lately. No, I’ve been feeling like my clone.”

“I’ve been meaning to go shopping for boxing gloves, but I’ve been putting it off. I just need to knock it out and be done with it.”

“I am an uncle, though this is not a new feeling for me, as I’ve been one before. I’ve also been 2 through 32, and I turn 33 in March.”

“I’ve lived in Jacksonville for—not sure, I get Jacksonville and Paris mixed up. I’ve never been to Paris.”

“I’ve been to 8 Mile. I condensed a half marathon into it.”