“I collect the most valuable thing in the world—free time. But unlike other priceless things, I don’t need a safe to keep it safe, because I keep all my free time in the past, where nobody can touch it—not even me. My collection grows larger every day.”

“I collect hair. I keep most of it on my floor, but my most valuable patches I display on the bodies of a few cats I have roaming my house like walking art displays that meow.”

“I collect human skin. I keep it all on the bumper of my car.”

“I bought an empty safe, and I keep it empty, because safety doesn’t exist, so my safes are full of their potential.”

“A brick could be used as a puzzle. See if you can correctly add up the number of sides. If you keep getting the number seven, try consulting a psychologist—or a numerologist. Incidentally, I just so happen to be the latter, so feel free to give me a call. But don’t feel too free, because my services are most certainly not free.
”

“I keep my valuable things locked up. Everybody does. Therefore, criminals must be valuable.”

“If you only had 48 hours left to live, would you spend it like you normally spend your weekends? If not, why spend 2/7th of your life wasting your free time? After all, free time isn’t free. Free time is the most expensive time you have, because nobody pays for it but you. But that also makes it the most valuable time you have, as you alone stand to reap the profits from spending it wisely.”