“I could do more pull-ups with a midget on my back, than a midget could do with me on his back. This makes me the superior land animal.”

“He crossed the room to me and grabbed me by the shoulders. In three steps, he had me backed up against the bookcase. Before I could do more than catch my breath, he took my face in his hands and kissed me.”

“I snorted powdered flamingoes while I pondered love. I sat at the bar two hours waiting for my ice on the rocks to melt so I could drink it and leave, but it was like my ex wife’s heart—it was just too frigid to melt. So I called up a midget, buckled myself in on his back, and had him give me a ride home. Ah, but that’s life, no?”

“what could i do to make the one i loved love me back ?”

“I am the leprechaun I rainbow into being. Buy me a beer, and get to know my inner midget.”

“The house I grew up in is one of a kind. It’s a bibliophile’s fantasy, and if the Library of Congress had a little brother who was a midget, you could find him residing in my parents’ house.”