“I couldn’t agree more. That doesn’t mean I agree. In fact, I completely disagree. And since I so thoroughly disagree, I couldn’t agree more.”

“I always say “I couldn’t agree more,” even if I wholeheartedly disagree, because whether I completely agree or completely disagree, I couldn’t agree more.”

“I am a rebel! But I don’t want people to agree with my views, because if everyone agreed with me then I wouldn’t be rebellious anymore. Did you hear what I heard? Because I heard what I said. Hear what I mean, which is not necessarily what I say.”

“Woman, I could drown in your love, but I’d much rather be strangled. More passionate, don’t you agree?”

“If a woman says she got a bad haircut, and I agree with her, am I being agreeable, or an asshole?”

“I was driving to another girl’s house who’s not my girl, and I saw a red sign by the road that read, “Wrong Way,” and I thought, I agree. So I turned around and went home.”

“We agreed to meet at 4. I meant AM and she meant PM, so we both just stood around thinking we’d been stood up.”