“I couldn’t have pulled it off if you hadn’t have pulled out all those years ago. So thanks, dad.”

“In life or death situations, my father has only been there once for me. So I'd like to tell him thanks for not pulling out when I needed him the most: conception.”

“In a victory speech, I like to thank the opposition, because without their help, I couldn’t have won.”

“Is it better to pull someone, or push them to succeed? I have no idea, but will you be my slinky?”

“In five years I want to go equally as far as I have come in the last five years. No, farther. Five years ago I embarked on a journey that led me to this point, so five years from now I’d like to be six years older.”

“Ten years have gone by since the ten year anniversary, and I still remember it like it happened a decade ago.”

“Pulling your head out of your ass is better than pulling your head out of a lawyer’s ass. (Limit one coupon per customer).”