“I crossed a time zone and I feel younger already. If I keep traveling west, I can become immortal!”

“I’m about to cross a time zone, and I feel younger already. If I keep traveling west, maybe I can catch up to the love of my youth.”

“My wife is younger. At one point, I was twice her age. Of course, I was six at the time.”

“Every time I eat an English muffin I feel like I become more grammatically correct, more refined, more cultured, and an all-around gentleman.”

“As an animal lover, I don’t like zoos. I feel the only creatures that should be caged behind bars are politicians, lobbyists, and lawyers. And rapists, but I’ve already listed that three times.”

“Number one on my list of things to do before I die is become immortal. Obviously there is no number two on my list.”

“I thought she was older than she was, and I thought she was younger than she was. She looked older, but she acted younger, so no matter what her age was, I was surprised by it.”