“I did something so stupid last night that I can’t even speak about it today. I took a vow of silence.”

“I took a vow to stop taking things.”

“I had a hot date last night. Things were going well so I took her back to her house, dropped her off, and went home to masturbate.”

“I’m here today because of my decisions yesterday. So I can change my tomorrow today, but I can’t change my today today. This makes the me of yesterday offensive to the me of today.”

“Day or night, I can’t see the wind. But at night, it feels like I can see it even less. What’s less visible than invisible?
”

“When thinking about yesterday, contrasted with today, I can’t help but observe that today by definition means I’m one day closer to death. I just hope that one day isn’t tomorrow.”

“If silence is the admission of guilt, then she must be really guilty, because last night I asked her a question and instead of answering, she went to sleep for eight hours.”