“I didn’t form my lips into the shape of a kiss. I was merely about to whistle.”

“My love is like the shape your mouth makes while you whistle. Would you mind if I accompanied you on my harmonica?”

“People call me “Mustache,” because I have an eyebrow on my upper lip. When I close my lips it’s like a wink and a kiss combined. It’s like lust overload.”

“I didn’t shave my mustache off. Instead what I did was taped Elton John’s asshole to my top lip and then all of the sudden I had twice the dick in my mouth as before. It was almost more than I could swallow. Almost. 
”

“A brick could be used as a scapegoat. But don’t blame the brick. The brick didn’t kill my mother-in-law. It was merely the instrument I utilized in showing her how much I loved her.
”

“The answer is three, I said as I held up three fingers—my middle through my pinky—and I formed a loop with my index finger and my thumb, which also shapes the universal sign for “asshole.” A verbal response, backed up by its unspoken reflection, with a hidden hand gesture buried in the sub context.”

“I made love to a woman who didn’t exist, and I can’t remember how it didn’t feel. It amazes me how often I think about not thinking about it.”