“I don’t believe it’s morally wrong to steal from a thief.”

“Alzheimer’s is the cleverest thief, because she not only steals from you, but she steals the very thing you need to remember what’s been stolen.”

“Don’t steal because it’s immoral, not because you’re afraid you’ll get caught.”

“Nobody’s going to notice what’s not there, unless something was there and now is not. But if it wasn’t there all along, it’s mine for the taking, and nobody’s going to say nothing. It’s not stealing if I take something that isn’t there, even if I do so sneakily and I wait until nobody’s looking. But I don’t care if nobody is looking at me, because stare all day long, nobody doesn’t exist.”

“It’s not that I don’t have the drive to succeed, but rather I don’t have the gas.”

“She always looks like she’s about to break into laughter. He always looks like he’s about to break into her house. I don’t care what he takes, so long as it’s me who steals her heart. I’ve already got a buyer lined up in Russia.”

“My advice is don’t take advice from anybody. This is good advice, and as such, it’s bad advice.”