“I don’t belong to a political party, because I don’t feel invited.”

“I don’t like dirt, because nothing is dirtier. Except politics.
”

“When I go to a restaurant and they say, “How many in your party?” and I say, “One,” I feel sad because one is not really a party. But me and my 32 clones don’t let that stop us from enjoying myselves.”

“I don’t punch walls, because walls don’t punch back. I also don’t punch things that can and do punch back.
”

“It doesn’t matter if I don’t have a suit, you should still invite me swimming. That’s the naked truth.”

“When people say they don’t read, I always wonder if they don’t because they can’t or because they won’t. Then I think, what’s the difference? Either way they are ignorant.”

“If you don’t cover your mouth, a yawn is an invitation for a blowjob.”