“I don’t care about being cool. I just want to be loved by half the world (100% of the female population).”

“This book has nothing to do with cats. Or mice. Or self-motivation. This book is 100% 50% finished. But don’t worry, I finished the good half. But don’t be mistaken—the good half isn’t good at all. In fact, it’s remarkably terrible. It’s only good in relation to the half I didn’t get around to writing. After all, the worst writing is the writing that couldn’t be bothered to be written down.”

“Writer’s want to write something that’ll live forever. I don’t. What do I care if my writing lives forever if I won’t? I just want to be recognized while I’m still alive. 
”

“There’s nothing nine-tenths about me as a person. I’m a 100% kind of guy, at least half the time.
”

“I want to steal 100 years. If I get caught, it’ll be the trial of the century.”

“Love is the color of red inverted. At least that’s what Gunnar Greenlove told me, and I believe him because he’s from an island where half the people tell only the truth and half tell only lies. Not only that, but the island has a population of two, and I am the other inhabitant.”

“I want a 100% kind of relationship, and I’m willing to give it 50%.”