“I don’t dress like I have any money. And I don’t have any money, which helps enable me to dress like that.”

“Women won’t sleep with me for the same reason that I don’t pay for sex—I don’t have any money. And if I did have money, I wouldn’t pay for sex, because women would sleep with me for free.”

“I don’t have any money to speak of. And if I did, what’s there to say? They say money talks, but it doesn’t talk to me. Money won’t even look at me half the time.”

“I had some emotional issues, so I went to a therapist. And guess what I don’t have now? That’s right, I don’t have any extra money. But I still have those emotional issues.”

“I don’t understand why you don’t trust me. It’s not like you have a reason to not trust me. So, lend me some money, and let me give you the reason you were looking for to not trust me. Wouldn’t you rather be proved right than not lose money?”

“I don’t like salad dressing. I prefer salad undressing. I’m a health freak. And I do mean freak.”

“On the subject of how to make friends, I would give you some tips, but I just don’t have any. Oh, I have plenty of tips, but I don’t have any friends.”