“I don’t eat Sloppy Joes. I eat Tidy Josephs.”

“Tomorrow’s Pancake Friday, despite the fact that it’s Monday, and I don’t eat breakfast.”

“I am the alphabet soup of love. Eat me or read me, but don’t feed me to the cats.”

“I eat fog soup (out of a can). You don’t think I make it fresh, do you? You don’t need a spoon or straw to enjoy it—you need a pipe to inhale it.”

“Try my all-you-can-eat vomit soup. Sadly, people don’t want seconds, because they don’t even want firsts. But it tastes great. I tasted it on the way down—and then again on the way up.”

“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)”

“I'm allergic to fingers, so I have to eat pizza with my feet. You should see me eat on the run.”