“I don’t just watch TV all day long. I also listen.”

“Why watch reality TV when I can just open my blinds and look out my window to all the reality I can handle?”

“I watch baseball on TV like my cat watches the window. Somebody open the blinds so we can see better!”

“For me, TV and broke go together. Not as in, The TV is broken, but more of noticing that most people who watch too much TV are broke.”

“I watch basketball like I watch baseball: I don’t. I’d much rather watch grass grow. Actually, golf isn’t that bad.”

“I’m exercising my right to free speech, because it used to be obese. For years all it did was sit on the sofa watching TV.”

“I don’t punch walls, because walls don’t punch back. I also don’t punch things that can and do punch back.
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