“I don't know what love is, but I know what love isn't. Love isn't a peanut butter and tuna sandwich, because no young man should spend his time searching for his "once in a lifetime." Take it from me, a love like that doesn't exist. And if it did, I'd have already eaten it.”

“I love ebooks. I love the idea of storing books in “The Cloud”, because honestly, reading and rainy days go together like peanut butter and umbrellas.”

“Love is the jelly to sunshine’s peanut butter. And if I tell you that I’m in sandwich with you, I’m not just saying it to get in your Ziploc bag.”

“I want to scrape earwax out of your ears like the last of the chunky peanut butter in a jar. I’d love it if you ate one of my world famous Listening Sandwiches.”

“We made love like I make grilled cheese sandwiches. I had no idea what I was doing, but she melted into me all the same.”

“Love is like a zebra refereeing a football game. I should know, because I am the rodeo cowboy riding that zebra.”

“We were in love. When I say we, I don’t mean her and I. I mean me and my clone were in love with her. But she didn’t even know I existed, just as I didn’t know my clone existed. I still don’t know he exists.”